Rubber, Sponge, and Mom's Night Out

I finally saw Mom's Night Out last week. I wanted to see it since it came out, but one thing or another got in the way. Last week everything lined up, and I finally got to see it. It was hysterical!

My favorite scene was when Sondra, the pastor's wife, panics when a waitress leaves a platter of empty beer bottles right in front of her. As Sondra tries to get the demon containers into the trash can, the "Dance Cam" light spots her, showing the entire bowling alley the guilty-looking pastor's wife with her arms full of beer bottles. "Little Miss Busy-Body" from church runs to find a phone to let everyone from church know about Sondra's dirty little secret.

I've tried so hard to be a "good pastor's wife", but I know that I fail to meet everyone's standards, including my own.

During these transitional months, it's been a different experience. (Sometimes I don't even pick out Sunday clothes until Sunday morning, like a crazy woman!) Although I'm enjoying the break from expectations, I'm also learning that just like Sondra, there's no way to prevent disappointment. Some people are going to be unhappy, no matter what.

I recently learned that our previous church was in an uproar about a certain choice that I made about a year ago. Church members were calling church leaders. There were discussions about what could have motivated my decision.

What was the cause of such a debacle?

I changed pews. I moved three rows back from my previous spot on the front row.

Why would I do such a thing?

There wasn't enough room.

That was it. My kids had grown, and so had the other kids who sat on the front pew, and there simply wasn't enough room. I moved pews to have some more space for me and the girls to sit.

And I liked it. I liked being closer to more of the church members. I liked having a pew in front of me to keep the kids from feeling as free to move around. I liked that they saw people in front of them, so they were more aware that they were in church. I liked turning around and shaking hands with more people during the greeting time. (No one goes to the front, really.)

But somehow my little seat change inspired a whole mess of questions, conjectures, and concerns.

Why?

Because I was the pastor's wife. The spotlight was going to shine on me when I didn't want it to. People were going to assume the worst when the truth wasn't so bad. All of the pressures of normal life were going to be amplified because my husband was the pastor.

This stuff is normal. Sometimes we just have to be rubber instead of a sponge.

Almost every pastor's wife lives under constant scrutiny, but for me, there are moments when it becomes too much. There are days when the criticism cuts more deeply than it normally does. There are times when I just can't not care anymore because to block out everyone's opinions means I have to wall myself off, and I'm just too lonely to do that. I would rather hurt than be completely alone.

I love these people, even the ones who were so worried about the seating arrangement at church. They're my friends, my brothers and sisters. They're my family. Nothing changes that. All families have issues. We're all just trying to figure stuff out and live as well as we can. We all mess up at it sometimes. I forgive them, and I hope that they forgive me when I say unkind or unhelpful things, too.

I signed up for this whole pastor's wife gig knowing what it entails. But there are some days that I just want to sit in the back, worship my God, and not put on a show for everyone else. God knew that, so He gave us this little break.

He sees me, but He isn't watching to see how I fail. He's watching because He just cares about me.

Isn't that a nice thought?