The Pretty Problem

Growing up, I knew that pretty was important, not because my parents emphasized it but simply because it was the reality around me. It was important to be pretty and wear pretty and to never “act ugly.” I never thought of myself as a pretty girl, unfortunately. There was always some aspect of my appearance that failed to meet the pretty quota I had set in my head. But I took hope in believing that pretty had a time limit. I believed that once I grew up and functioned in the adult world, pretty’s time would run out and substance would take over as the primary target. I believed that mature adults would consider substance, content, and depth more important than pretty.

You can imagine how disappointed I am.

Because, oddly enough, pretty is still of the utmost importance, and I’m not just talking about “in the world”. Pretty is just as important in the church as it is in worldly contexts, maybe even more so.

Churches now have pretty backgrounds for their PowerPoint slides and flawless transitions between pieces of the order of service. The lighting is designed to create the prettiest ambiance possible. We study ways to make our services smoother, more attractive, prettier. Christian blogs are expected to have professional graphic designers in order to properly convey the message of Jesus, who was prophetically described as “like someone people turned away from; he was despised, and we didn’t value him,”(Isaiah 53:3). But we’re still trying to dress Him up and make Him pretty, Lord help us.

Speaking of graphic design, it seems to be increasing in importance when it comes to Bible study material these days. Now, please don’t think that I’m knocking the value of good design. God Himself is a designer, both of the world and His children, and it’s good for us to emulate that, to an extent.

But one day I found myself in a random women’s Bible study. (If you think you know the one to which I’m referring, you’re almost definitely incorrect. It was a truly random experience.) Before the study began, the women discussed the material that we were using. They talked about how pretty it was and how much they loved the graphic designs and layout. Although the quality of material was very high, that wasn’t what impressed them, and it was clearly not what impacted them. In the discussion that followed, the women described the things that stood out to them from the Bible reading, all of which were pretty. They never once mentioned a sin that needed to be repented of or a problem that needed to be solved. None of their gleaned wisdom demanded bravery or strength. They spoke of the Word of God as if it were an art collection to be admired, and then forgotten.

The problem wasn’t the material or the fact that it was designed well and presented beautifully. The problem is that many women, even most of us, haven’t matured enough to look for more than pretty out of our own lives or the God that we serve. We’re still ignoring the refuse of sin and the horrors of a broken world in hopes of finding a new cute top or a home with a better view. We’re looking for pretty when God has designed us for so much more. He has designed us for a heavy kind of glory that takes strength, bravery, and very little concern for pretty. Oh, we will most definitely be more beautiful when we gaze upon Him as He is, but when we do, the last concern on our minds will be “pretty”.

I recently saw Wonder Woman, and I kept finding myself thinking, “That’s what the Kingdom needs! We need Amazons!” Diana was beautiful and nurturing and the very definition of loving, but she was also strong and brave enough to face the ugliness that threatened those she loved. I think Christian women have a decent picture of love and nurturing, the pretty parts of biblical womanhood, but we have a tendency to stumble when it comes to the aspects that demand bravery and strength. Unfortunately, love and nurturing beg that we look into the dark corners of our world and our own hearts. In order to love fully and nurture skillfully, we must bravely face the ugliness of sin and corruption in our world, in our friends, and in ourselves.

The Kingdom we’ve been called to isn’t pretty. It’s intense. It’s scary. It’s wonderful. It’s beautiful. But it ain’t pretty. The author of Hebrews describes it this way:

For you have not come to what could be touched, to a blazing fire, to darkness, gloom, and storm, to the blast of a trumpet, and the sound of words. Those who heard it begged that not another word be spoken to them, for they could not bear what was commanded: If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned. Hebrews 12:18-20

The author was comparing the way that God appeared on Mount Sinai after the Exodus to the Kingdom of God that Christ brought to earth. He’s the same God He was, and no Israelite would ever describe the Lord of Hosts as pretty. Beautiful, sure, but not pretty.

I’m not suggesting that we abandon pretty altogether. I still look in the mirror and do my hair and makeup when I need to. I try to pick out clothes that make me look my best. But I have made the decision that my goal is going to be higher than pretty. My standards are going to require more than good design and attractive presentation.

I was right when I believed that mature adults are more concerned with substance than with pretty. I just didn’t realize how few mature adults there are, and I didn’t realize how hard it would be for me to let go of pretty. After all those years, I really started to believe that pretty was important, but it isn’t. It really isn’t.

I’d rather bravely look into the truths of God’s Word that correct my sin and reveal my guilt than to rest in pretty encouragement that doesn’t require change. I’d rather pick up the strength of the Lord and go to battle than daintily fan myself on the Kingdom’s front porch. I’d rather face the dark ugliness of a fallen world than to live in a world of make-believe where outfits and earrings are more important than starving children.

This is my challenge to you: If the Kingdom of God described in Hebrews 12 sounds unfamiliar, you may have been seduced by pretty, my friend. Go deeper into God’s Word. Get more involved in His Kingdom than you have ever been. Roll up your sleeves. Gird your loins. Train your spiritual muscles for battle. Learn how to wield the sword of the Spirit. Know Him better and more deeply than ever before, and that blazing fire will become more beautiful than anything else.

What Kids Are/ What Moms Are Not

Mothering is hard. Kids are demanding little creatures who can drive you nuts and wrap you around their fingers simultaneously. They're delightful, often disgusting, and always precious. So why is raising them so hard? Why is this whole mothering gig such a roller coaster of joy and guilt, importance and inadequacy? 

I think that a part of the problem is that we forget what kids are and what we're not. This post gives a few examples of what I mean, but I'm sure that you can think of more.

• Kids are Moral Responders/ Moms Are Not Sovereign
  
  Kids are not, in fact, "tabula rasa" (blank slates) when they are born, leaving us free and able to write them however we please. They're human beings (sinners) with weaknesses and personalities and desires that will be expressed. Some newborns give you warning cries when they're getting hungry and others go straight into full-on starvation cries the second that they sense hunger setting in. The parenting methods that worked with one kid may not work with the next. The guidance that directs one child into maturity may be completely rejected by the next kiddo.
  
  It is possible to handle a situation as perfectly as humanly possible and your kids still react badly. You may have done everything possible to prevent a temper tantrum in the grocery store, but your child has the responsibility and ability to choose to accept it or to reject your guidance and throw a royal fit anyway. In such a case, we are responsible for providing godly discipline that redirects them to obedience, but that doesn't mean that we failed. Our children's sin is not necessarily a failure on our part. It may just be their sin. Your child's failure is an opportunity for discipline and grace; it isn't necessarily your failure.
  
• Kids are Body and Spirit/ Moms Are Not Omniscient
  
  Children aren't just spiritual creatures. They have bodies with fluctuating blood sugar, hormones, and pain. Sometimes this gets swept under the rug in Christian circles. If everything is sin, then every bad action can be disciplined and we can make everything "right" instantly. But what if your child is trying to communicate something other than rebellion through his or her actions? What if a child is trying to tell you that something in their little body just doesn't feel right? You can't discipline blood sugar back into regulation. You can't discipline sensory processing disorders away by forcing your child to eat the dinner you planned.
  
  How do you know what the problem is?
  
  Ask.
  
  Ask your children, certainly, but also ask your doctor. Behavior and biology are related (p.m.s. for instance). You were never expected to have all the answers. Don't assume that the pediatrician is going to instantly suggest a pill to which you are opposed, and don't assume that the pill isn't a good option for your child, either. Let a doctor help you weed through which issues are physical and which are spiritual. You may disagree with him/her, but I bet you'll be one step closer to the answers you need. Sure, you can ask other moms for guidance, but be careful. Kids are custom-made, and no two are alike.
  
• Kids Are Living in a Dangerous World/ Moms Are Not Omnipotent
  
  A few years ago, there was a terrible Super Bowl commercial produced by an insurance company that discussed household accidents. It talked about how many children die from electric shock each year, drown in bathtubs each year, die from falling down stairs each year, etc. Then it made the point that since all of these things could be prevented, there was no reason for any of those children to die, essentially blaming parents for household tragedies, which was a great comfort to bereaved parents, I'm sure.
  
  I can't even tell you how ticked off I was by that commercial. Edwin didn't quite understand my level of outrage, but I couldn't help but think of the mother whose child drowned because she had to check on another child who was crying downstairs or the mother whose child simply fell down the stairs while she was doing laundry.
  
  Just because something is "preventable", that doesn't mean that you can actually prevent it and function in this world. Sure, if you dedicated all of your energy to preventing children from falling down stairs, you could, but would they learn how to walk up and down stairs? If you dedicated all of your energy to making sure that your child's teeth are perfectly clean, they may not get cavities, but would they learn to take responsibility for their own bodies?
  
  We're not just protecting our children from danger. We certainly need to protect our children from dangers they are ill-prepared to handle, but we are also helping our children develop into mature adults. That means that we have to let them face dangers and suffer consequences. We have to prepare them to meet those dangers at age appropriate times, and then we need to be prepared to help them evaluate and move forward when they fail, because they're going to fail.
  
  At the end of the day, the greatest threat to our children is not the world out there, but the sin in their own hearts. If they don't learn to lean on Christ when faced with the dangers of the world, how will they learn to lean on Him when they face the darkness in themselves?
  
• Kids Are Disciples/ Moms Are Not Perfect
  
  Sometimes I think about things I did in my first year of parenting, and I cringe. I wish that I could go back and tell myself to pay attention to the opportunities around me. I wish that I could warn myself of decisions that I would regret later.
  
  Parents teach their kids many, many things, but I can't think of one thing more important than teaching our children how to repent and receive grace. One day, my kids are going to have cringe-worthy moments of their own, and I don't want them to get stuck playing those moments over and over as they lie awake at night. I want them to go to Christ and find freedom in His forgiveness. I want them to learn from their bad choices and make better ones. I cannot set a standard for myself that I would never set for my children.
  
  If perfection is your goal, you've already blown it, am I right? Not only is perfection unattainable, it's a dangerous goal. Perfectionism leads to competition and criticism because when we see our own failures, the only remedy is to condemn someone else's. It turns our children into achievements to be shown off instead of people to be discipled. It distracts us from the law of grace and places our focus on our own works, pulling us away from the cross and the salvation it brings. Perfectionism, at its worst, is idolatry, and it's contagious.
  

The great news is that everything we are not, God is. Everything we cannot do, God can. Everything that points to our weakness points also to His strength. Our highest calling as mothers (and dads, too) is to depend on Him and not on ourselves.

And with that thought, I wish you a very happy Mother's Day.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

It seems that there is an increasing amount of contention in the world today, fueled by an instant public forum provided by the internet and social media. We can now "discuss" our grievances with the entire world by pressing the "Publish" button, and we're able to do so without the pesky interference of seeing the people with whom we disagree.

The instantaneous ability to impersonally express any and every opinion only increases our need to really consider who's on the other side of the screen, and how we can love them well.

Because, shockingly, a disagreement is not a loophole in the commandment to "love your neighbor". One the flip side, an agreeable facade is also not a biblical expectation of love. In order to love someone you don't have to pretend to agree with them or avoid issues of disagreement like a snotty-nosed toddler.

It is possible, and even necessary, to learn to disagree in a loving way. If we're going to live authentically and honestly, disagreements are going to happen.

Disagreements aren't a problem.

Disagreements are a symptom of sharing life and getting to know another human being, which is an important part of what it means to be made in the image of God.

Disagreements handled without love are a problem.

If we are trying to prove someone else wrong, seeking to make much of ourselves, or if we are fueled by anger or self-righteousness, our mishandling is indicative of a major sin: refusal to love God more than anything or anyone else (like ourselves or our reputation) or refusal to love our neighbors the way we want to be loved.

Allow me to volunteer the fact that I don't have this down yet. I've come a long way in the last four years or so, but I'm not where I'd like to be. Many of the lessons I present below are lessons that I'm still working on, or realize the need for due to my own personal failures, maybe even in the last month or so.

That being said, here are a few ways to season your language with grace, even in the midst of conflict.

1. Stay away from excessively strong language or absolute language. There's really no reason to say "all" or "everyone" or "every time". For one thing, there's literally no way that you could possibly prove such a grandiose statement. All anyone has to do is find a single exception to prove your statement false, short-changing the value of the discussion. Not only are such statements grossly inaccurate (there's almost always an exception), but they also amp up the intensity of the conversation needlessly.
   
   The words "heresy", "evil", or "crazy" have a similar impact. Even when I believe that someone's way of thinking is, in all actuality, heretical, it prevents open dialog to call it such. Only people who agree with you are likely to join the conversation once such a term comes flying out. It also lowers the bar from "truth" to "not heresy". We're no longer discussing what is true, but we're now reduced to a conversation about what is even slightly acceptable. We can do better than that.
   
2. Don't view a conversation as a competition. There's no such thing as a loser in a conversation. In an argument, on the other hand, both parties typically end up losing something. Seriously, why do you care so much if someone believes something with which you disagree? Why on earth should I be ticked off that you and I disagree on a certain issue?
   
   If your motive is love and you genuinely believe that a person's false belief is putting them in physical, emotional, or spiritual danger, anger toward that person isn't an appropriate response. Who has ever been berated into safety?
   
   The goal of a discussion is to get to know the other person better and understand where they're coming from, as well as to express your own view and help the other person understand your take.
   
   Honestly, this one is my biggest struggle. I love a good debate, LOVE IT! My husband refuses to debate me, even when he's right, because I'm more skilled at the actual debate. But a debate is rarely a wise choice in a personal relationship, unless you're both freaks like I am and relish the debate. They are very rarely a good idea on social media. Actually, I can't think of a single situation when it would be wise to engage in a full debate on social media.
   
3. Be very careful about assigning malicious intent. This is the biggest failure that I see in many Christian blogs dealing with social issues. There is a very big difference between being incorrect and being malicious. Once you cross this line, there's no going back. Once you say that a parent is abusive or a pastor is intentionally misleading his sheep away from the Gospel or a politician is corrupt, you've set yourself up as an accuser and enemy to the person you have attacked.
   
   You can no longer engage in any sort of meaningful discussion with them or with anyone who might agree with them. You can no longer discuss issues or facts. You've made it personal, and it's going to be very easy to come out looking like a bad guy, even if you're right about the issue itself.
   
4. Stick to the issues without making it personal. In some ways, this is a way to re-word the previous point, but it has other implications as well. If I really love an author or speaker, and you point out something wrong with one of their teachings, even in a very loving way, my initial reaction is to be defensive. I saw this in a Babylon Bee (a Christian satirical website similar to The Onion) post about a certain women's speaker's use of soaring language. It was comical and somewhat accurate, but her followers took it very seriously and personally. They went on the attack to defend their favorite poet.
   
   Slow down! Just because you disagree with something someone says, that doesn't mean that they're attacking anyone. Just because you're offended, that doesn't necessarily mean that what was said was offensive. Take a deep breath and consider the actual statement being made.
   
5. Be honest in the right forum. If you're offended, say so. Hash it out one-on-one. Don't handle it in the comment session. There's no need to pretend that someone's statement didn't have an impact when it did. You may discover, as I have, that you jumped to an unintended conclusion. If you need to say something of a personal nature, say it in a personal way. Don't just carry around anger and bitterness. Bring it into the light so it can be dealt with. If the other person refuses to discuss things civilly, that's on them, not you. But if you walk around with hurt, believing that they know what they did without speaking up, that's on you.
   
6. Remember that people are real, live, breathing human beings with hearts and families. Even if a person is in the public eye, that doesn't give you the right to rip into them as if they're merely a symbol. That person may represent certain theology or ideas held by a group of people, but they're still incredibly valuable to our Father. Treat them as such. Treat them the way that you would want to be treated if you were in their situation. "I would never be in that situation!" Well, pretend that you woke up tomorrow morning in his or her shoes. How would you want someone to speak to you and about you? Now, do that.
   
   They may be horribly wrong about an issue, but that doesn't give you the right to act unlovingly. People are more than a compilation of beliefs and ideas. We must consider the heart when we choose what to say and how to say it.
   
7. Consider your own motivation. I touched on this in the introduction, but it is so very, very important. For a long time, I stayed out of conversations that I thought could be divisive out of fear that I would offend someone. I have come to understand that engaging in meaningful conversation about important issues is an important part of living in community and being a part of society. I've also learned to handle my fear with love by simply handling offenses as they come up.
   
   You may be silent for the wrong reasons, or you may speak up for the wrong reasons. Consider your own heart carefully when choosing whether or not to join in a conversation. You may have the exact words that someone else needs to hear, or you may just add to the insanity.
   
   On social media, it is very difficult to know the impact of what we post. Many people are silently watching and following along. Although we won't know the effect of our words, we can know our reason for adding them to the discussion.
   
   Even if the only thing that our words accomplish is to prove that it is possible to love someone with whom we disagree, that's a pretty monumental accomplishment, and we should strive toward it. 

In the Hallway: Mourning Dead Dreams

The last two years have been difficult and wonderful at the same time. One of my life's longest-held dreams was fulfilled when we brought our precious son home from China. At the same time, I've seen some of my most defining dreams pass by. Unless something strange and miraculous happens, at least one of my dreams is out of reach and quite possibly dead.

I grew up believing that there would come a point when I would find my "niche", and that once I did, the idiosyncrasies in the way God designed me would make sense. I thought that I had found that niche when I had the opportunity to speak to groups of women and teach the Word. I felt more like myself when I was teaching than I felt any other time. I felt more comfortable in my skin and in my personality than I felt at any other time. I came to believe that God would open doors and allow me to teach more often, so I could be more of myself more of the time.

But now I sit in the hallway, surrounded by closed doors on every side. Not only are there no speaking opportunities, there's no potential for speaking opportunities. The part of me that came alive when teaching has atrophied and weakened. It's a part of me that may very well be on its death bed, and I thought that it was the best of me.

It may be a matter of timing or phase of life, or it may be my permanent reality. There simply aren't many speaking opportunities for complementarian women (women who believe in gender roles within the family and church, specifically that a woman is not called by God to pastor His church). It requires a lot of help from others who are more experienced and well-connected, and they really have to see a spark and then choose to fan that flame.

Once I reached out to a more mature woman in our association with a piece that I had written and poured my soul into, and her only response was "I noticed a few grammatical errors. I can help you with that if you'd like." The fact of the matter is that I like starting sentences with conjunctions because it makes writing feel more like a natural conversation, but that's simply a difference in style, I suppose. Others have been much more encouraging, but none have seen a flicker and felt the call to fan it into flame, which is God's territory, not mine.

My style is quite different from typical women speakers (especially those of the complementarian variety). My theology is very similar to the theology of many other women speakers, but it's my personal style that isn't normal. It's just one of those idiosyncrasies that I believed would make sense once I found my place in God's Kingdom.

But that sweet dream has turned into a bitter emptiness.

So I'm sitting in this closed-off hallway, trying to figure out where to go from here. I'm exploring a completely different path through classes in web development, graphic design, and digital marketing. I believe that these skills are an excellent fit for my personality, and a great way to benefit the Kingdom while providing for my family.

But being a web designer and marketing expert doesn't justify God's design, which is what I really want. I want to know why God didn't make me happy to be a nurse. I mean, it's a hugely important job with good insurance and a variety of scheduling options, but that's just not how He made me, I want to know why I would rather study an obscure passage from a minor prophet within a historical context than an old stand-by like Proverbs 31. I want to know why God made me to like football far more than cooking or decorating. I want to know why I speak the way I do, think the way I do, and do the way I do. I want to know what God is up to while I'm sitting in this dark, old hallway.

But here in this hallway, God bends near and whispers, "I don't have you in this hallway for you to know. I have you here so you can trust."

He gently reminds me that His own Son had a dream that wouldn't come true in His lifetime.

“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! See, your house is left to you desolate. For I tell you, you will not see me again, until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’” Matthew 23:37-39

Jesus longed to take His people into His arms. He longed to make them great among the nations. He longed to bring them blessing and abundance, but His dream wasn't going to happen in His lifetime, but in His death. His death would make a way to build a new Jerusalem from the destruction of its predecessor. His death would pay for the sins committed by those who steadfastly kept their trust in Him, and His death would establish a new nation and a new family that would bring Him the glory that was refused Him by those in Jerusalem who would sentence Him to death by crucifixion.

So here, in this hallway, I mourn for the Hannah that I thought and hoped and prayed that I would be. I mourn for the missed opportunities and closed doors. I mourn for the lost hope and painful emptiness. I mourn, trusting that this mourning is but temporary. This ignorance is short-lived. There will come a day very soon when I will see Him, and I will know why He made me precisely the way that He did, and when I do, I'm pretty sure that I won't care about that at all.

Because in that moment, I'll see Him face to face, my priorities will be set right, and I will know exactly what it means to be justified. I will finally be able to love the way that I was intended to love without fear or self-concern. I will finally be able to serve with all of my abilities without trying to prove a thing to myself or anyone else.

When I finally know what I want to know, I'm confident that will be the moment when I know that trusting has always been better than knowing.

Christians Act More Like Gaston than Belle Because We Forget We're the Beast

Today I spent a special day with my oldest daughter to celebrate her birthday. It included going to see Beauty and the Beast.

It. Was. Magical.

The new, semi-live-action film added songs from the Broadway version of the story, as well as a few helpful plot points, like the fact that the Enchantress placed a spell on the village, causing them to forget the castle and its prince. The combination of CGI and live-action was gorgeous. The story was a bit more complex than the original, and the characters were much deeper and more complicated.

When we got to the end, DeLaynie diverted her eyes for fear that the Beast would die and all of the palace staff would fade into inanimate objects. I leaned over and whispered, "You want to see this. It's the best part."

There it was, the same scene that I remembered from my childhood, from a time when I was even younger than DeLaynie. It was the scene in which the love of a beautiful woman transformed the gruesome beast into his true form- a prince. (If you've never seen the original film, I apologize for spoiling the ending, but seriously. Where have you been, and what have you been doing?)

I once heard Tim Keller describe this scene in a sermon. He explained that for a Christian all art now points us directly to Christ. Our story is woven into every great story. Our Savior's portrait is painted onto every beautiful canvas. The story of the beast is our story.

We were once like him, literally as ugly as sin. Our humanity had been torn from us by choosing our selfish ways over trusting our Creator. We looked to temporal things instead of the eternal things for which we were made. We traded our humanity for an animal-like craving for satisfaction. We no longer looked like the One who created us. We no longer reflected His image the way we were created to.

But then our Beautiful Savior stepped in and He loved us, and He made us love Him. That love transformed us from the inside-out. It's true that our transformation comes much slower than that of the Beast. It takes a lifetime and seeps into eternity to that first moment when we come face to face with our Beloved. But we know that it is coming, and our pending transformation changes us in the here and now.

Yet, we all too often forget what we once were. We take the love of our Savior as a testament to our beauty instead of His grace, so instead of seeking out those who remain in darkness in order to love them with the love that only Christ can give, we live in fear of the darkness. We attack when the darkness around us comes closer than we would like. We seek to destroy those who have not yet been transformed because instead of seeing the ugliness of sin as a cry for transforming love, we see it as a threat.

We've forgotten who we are. We've forgotten what we once were.

Every Christian is simply a transformed beast. 

We needn't fear the darkness. We know that the One who restored us to who we were meant to be will return, and He will restore His whole world to an even greater beauty than the first. Until then, as transformed beasts, our greatest privilege is to reach out to those who do not yet know the radical love of our God that changes us from the inside-out.

We cannot deny the ugliness of sin, or we risk loving without transformation as an end result, cursing those we love to an eternity in their cursed state. We do need to see sin's ugliness for what it is- a curse that can be set right by the love of God, the One who created us to rule beside Him forever. In every beast, there is a potential prince or princess, but denial, fear, or hatred cannot transform them.
Only perfect love can do that.

Why I'm Not a Part of "Moms' Groups"

Before we left to bring our son home, I joined a moms' group that was associated with our adoption agency. One day I was debating whether to take our jogging stroller with us to China, so I posted the question.

The response was insane. In. Sane.

"Your child will probably be overly sensitive to stimuli, so he won't be able to handle jogging."

"You're going to need to be flexible to your child's needs. Don't plan on going for any runs."

My personal favorite:

"You're going to have to do what's best for your child and not yourself. Hopefully you can be okay with that."

Somehow, my packing question morphed into a parenting question, and somehow, without meeting my child or me, I was deemed to be a selfish failure.

Because I asked for advice about taking a jogging stroller.

(For the record, I wished I had my jogger every single morning after Gotcha Day. Due to jet lag and an early morning waker, we were up long before the crowds filled the street. Li did just fine in the jogger once I got him home. No sensory issues there. Getting off my running routine needlessly made my life harder and made the jet-lag ten times more difficult when we returned. And I never got back to running.)

Where did it go so wrong?

No one asked any questions. They assumed that my son was just like their child.

But he wasn't. And I knew that because I had Skyped with him, read his file, and talked to him.

They didn't know that because they didn't ask, and they didn't seem to care.

I still don't understand why the sharks circled so maliciously. I eventually unsubscribed to updates on my own question because people continued to pound me with unkind and uneducated answers based on their own experiences that had nothing to do with my situation.

And it quickly became clear that they didn't care about my situation, or me. They cared about sounding smart. They cared about justifying themselves. They cared about feeling superior.

It's a good thing church isn't like that, huh?

Wait, it is like that!

People give you Scriptures about your issue without finding out what your issue actually is.

People pray for solutions to your problem without asking any questions to figure out what you actually need from God.

People knock you down for simply asking a question.

And I'm just as guilty.

I've given easy to remember Scriptures without considering the implications for the person seeking help.

I've prayed for solutions to problems quickly, without asking a single question to make sure that I'm praying for what's actually needed.

I've even embarrassed people for simply asking a question.

I didn't do it on purpose. In fact, I didn't even realize that I was doing it. I was so used to it, I had a hard time seeing that it was a problem. Until one day, when I was leading a Sunday School class, and one of the women had the courage to admit to her prayer group that she was struggling with real, severe depression. The person assigned to pray for her prayed something to the effect, "God I pray that you'll give her to the strength to get through her depression and do what she needs to do."

In that moment, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The glorious privilege of prayer had just been used as a weapon against a tender soul who had finally found the strength to admit her frailty to a group of women she didn't know very well. Instead of praying for a loving Father to bring His comfort to His precious daughter, this unwitting pray-er threw the blame on sufferer and compounded her pain with more guilt. I was very young at that point, and I didn't know how to remedy the situation, but it did begin the very long process of learning to ask questions and seek helpfulness over easy answers.

What you've experienced isn't the same as what I have experienced. You and I have different weaknesses, different struggles, and different strengths. If I love you the way that I want to be loved, that could be very unloving because you're not me. I have to learn to love you the way that I would want to be loved if I were in your shoes. I have to learn to listen. I have to learn to care about you, right where you are, And I have to learn to learn.

I really don't want to be the shark that takes your head off and drives you away from church forever because unlike mom groups, church is mandatory (and overall, a wonderful privilege) for the believer. I really don't want to use a prayer as an excuse for a guilt trip. I really don't want to cut you down to make myself feel big. I really want to learn how to bend down to the broken and the hurting.

I really want to be more like Jesus and less like a moms' group.

How One Woman's Attitude Toward Her Husband Built an Empire and Changed a City

A new show came on HGTV about two years ago. From the get-go, I could tell that there was something different about the stars of this reality show. So I did the only reasonable thing. I Googled them.

The first search result that popped up was a YouTube video of the wife's testimony. Sure enough, the video confirmed my suspicions. They were believers, and it was obvious in everything they did. It was most obvious in the way that they related to each other, especially the way that the wife treated her husband.

Joanna Gaines rarely raised her voice at all toward her husband. Even when her husband brought home two new puppies without asking or even saying a word (at least not that we see), she didn't speak negatively about her husband to her kids. Instead, she highlighted her husband's kindness as a father. When her husband fell into the lake after repeated warnings from his wife, resulting in a ruined phone and precipitating the need to strip down to his undies on their television show, she just stared at him silently. He knew she was angry, but she never yelled. I've never seen her treat her husband like a child, not once. Even when he behaves with kid-like enthusiasm, she just enjoys his quirkiness and gives him a kiss.

Now, I'm not saying that their marriage is without difficulties or that she has never blown-up at him, but I am saying this: their relationship is just different.

Where most shows find their drama in screaming matches and eye-rolls, Fixer Upper doesn't even go there. Both Chip and Joanna make a point of speaking to and about each other with love and respect, and apparently people really like that. 

When the show was accused of trying to mis-lead its viewers by adding home-shopping scenes to the beginning, HGTV replied with this statement (emphasis added): "'Fixer Upper' fans enjoy the series because it focuses on the playful banter between Chip and Jo, their home renovation expertise, innovative design tips and families who get the help they need to transform a fixer upper into the home of their dreams."

In other words, people like the show because this couple actually likes each other, and they're good at what they do.

Edwin bought me The Magnolia Story, Chip and Joanna's book, for Christmas. The word "submission" was never used, but the concept was on every page. The book begins with a story about how a film crew went to Waco to get some footage of the Gaines family in hopes of creating a show. Initially, Chip and Joanna wilted under the camera's eye, but before the crew left, a broken-down, mold-infested house boat arrived. Chip had purchased the boat without nary a word to his wife. Joanna was upset, but she didn't throw a fit over Chip making a major decision without her input (and with her money). Because of the way she handled her frustration and looked for a way to change a shipwreck into a dream boat (pun totally intended), the camera crew was able to get the footage they needed of a quirky, industrious, and wildly talented couple, which led to Fixer Upper.

They never did get the boat sea-worthy, but since the show began, it has become an absolute sensation. Before the show, Chip and Joanna struggled to keep all of their investments afloat. Now they manage an empire. Their companies have all taken off and expanded. The city of Waco has grown and developed because Fixer Upper features local artisans and businesses on every episode, Their show attracts visitors from all over the country to their store and bed and breakfast. (Which is booked solid for six months and doesn't accept reservations further out than that, in case you're wondering.) A city that was once known for a mass suicide is now known as the home of Magnolia everything.

Oh, yeah, and Baylor.

But mostly Magnolia.

Now, to be fair, they were in the middle of building an entire neighborhood before the show. That's the biggest investment that they struggled to keep above water. Most of us will never handle enough capital to build a neighborhood, so that's probably not a struggle with which we can empathize. But their lives now are completely different, and their city is completely different.

Why?

Because of the way they treat each other.

People are tired of arguing and antagonistic marriages. We're tired of wimpy men and nagging women. We're tired of comedy that depends on cutting other people apart.

There's nothing stranger or more glorious than a marriage in which two people are fighting on behalf of each other instead of against each other.

But here's what I know: most women who love their husbands and show them respect will never see the kind of fruit that Joanna and Chip have received. 

Even as I stand in awe of the blessing that Joanna's basic Christian love has brought on her home, I recognize that many women are struggling to love men who may never reciprocate their kindness. Most women who love and respect their husbands will never get to pursue every dream with their husbands' blessings. Most women who submit to their husbands will never receive the full reward for their faithfulness in this life.

But the blessings that the Gaines family have received is a glimpse into the blessing that God is storing up for his daughters who will trust Him enough to love and respect their husbands. 

Do you really think that the blessings that Chip and Joanna are receiving right now can even begin to compare to the blessings that God is preparing for the wife who loves and submits to a hard, uncaring husband? Do you really think that a multi-million dollar empire is even worth comparing to the blessings that God is designing for His daughters who are faithful, yet never receive the rewards that they earn during this lifetime?

Look at the joy of fulfilled dreams, financial security, a city redeemed, and a family the way that it's supposed to be as portrayed through the Gaines family. Now multiply it times a million. That's what God is working on for us, dear friends.

We need only be faithful to His calling.

I didn't receive anything for this post, not even a free book, but Joanna should feel free to send me a gift card to her shop, if she so desires.

A Biblical Argument for Vaccination

At some point I decided that it was okay to discuss controversial issues as long as I do it in love, so before we dive into this touchy subject, let me make a few things very, very clear.

I'm only presenting this as "a biblical argument", not "the conclusive, absolutely correct argument proving everyone else wrong". In other words, I'm not claiming to be right while those who disagree with me are wrong. I don't think this is an issue that has clearly wrong parties and clearly right parties. You may very well disagree with me on that point. I respect your right to have your opinion, so that's cool with me, too. 

I'm not attacking anyone! This ain't mom-shaming, people. If you decided not to vaccinate your kids, I may disagree with you, but I don't judge you. They aren't my kids. Why should I care? (I've never understood why people get so worked up about other people's decisions when they aren't actually effected by them.) If one of your kids somehow gets the measles, I'll still bring you a casserole if you're in driving distance because...

I love you. Hate vaccines and think they're from the devil? Okay. You're made in God's image, so you're really important.  Do you totally agree with me in every possible way? Neat. You are also made in God's image, and you're no more or less valuable than anyone else. God's fingerprints are glorious, aren't they? And what's really wonderful is that they don't disappear based on your opinions, though the way you express those opinions might obscure them. My goal is to respect you, even as I may disagree with you.

Hopefully you now understand where I'm coming from. So why did I decide to write this piece if I don't personally care what decision you make? Because I haven't seen anything else quite like it, but I really have been convinced that the Bible speaks to this decision as I've studied God's Word. 

With the above ground rules in place, here are the biblical reasons why I support vaccination:

• I consider the FDA and CDC "governing authorities".
  Everyone must submit to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those that exist are instituted by God. So then, the one who resists the authority is opposing God’s command, and those who oppose it will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have its approval. For government is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, because it does not carry the sword for no reason. For government is God’s servant, an avenger that brings wrath on the one who does wrong. Romans 13:1-4
  
  The FDA was established to protect the American people from dangerous food and medicine. You may not like it, but they are a part of the government, set in place for our protection. There may be corruption at work, but don't forget that Christians were being severely persecuted by the government at the time that Paul wrote these words to the Romans. The FDA has studied the mess out of the routine vaccines administered to children, and they're the ones who approved the recommended vaccine schedule as developed by the CDC. They really would have to be the most calloused and cruel individuals in the world to intentionally ignore clear evidence that vaccines pose a greater threat to children than the illnesses that they prevent in order to make drug companies happy. (Talk to any high ranking employee in a drug company, and they'll tell you that the FDA doesn't strive to make their lives easier or their profits higher.)
  
  When we returned with our son, we had his blood tested to check to see how immune he was to the diseases covered by his immunizations, and the numbers were extremely low, in spite of the fact that he received all of his vaccinations right on time. Why? It's very common for Chinese drug companies to dilute their products in order to increase their profits. It's normal for a child in other countries to receive medication or vaccines that don't do their jobs because no one is regulating the products. Edwin and I came back with a new appreciation for the ways that the FDA strives to do good for our family.
  
• God doesn't give you a snake when you ask for a fish.
  What man among you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! Matthew 7:9-11
  
  How many mothers watched their children die from measles, mumps, or polio, begging God to destroy these terrible diseases? How many mothers had to help their children overcome the debilitating after-effects of those diseases when their children became well, but were never quite the same? How many of those mothers prayed that God would restore their children? How many of those mothers (and fathers) begged God for a world free from those diseases?
  
  And then God answered! He didn't just heal the diseases. He provided a way to completely eliminate them!
  
  And here we are with our healthy children, and we call the fish a snake and the bread a stone. We say that God didn't give wisdom to the doctors who created those vaccines. We tell God that His good gift to us isn't a gift at all, but a trick.
  
  Why? Because it wasn't our prayers that were answered. Why not? We never needed to pray for a world free from those diseases. Why not? Because our children never had measles, mumps, or polio. Why not? Because those diseases are almost completely destroyed thanks to the answered prayers of those who came before us.
  
  A hard roll looks like a rock to someone who has never experienced hunger, but to a starving man, it's a godsend.
  
  I sincerely hope that our grandchildren will debate the necessity of a cancer vaccine in a world where the horrors of cancer are as far removed as the terrors of polio are in our world.
  
• It's the job of the strong to protect the weak.
  
  
  “Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You something to drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or without clothes and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and visit You?’
  
  

  “And the King will answer them, ‘I assure you: Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me.’  Matthew 25:37-40
  
  There are some people who cannot receive vaccines because of health conditions. Because of that, it's important that children who can receive the vaccines do so in order to protect our herd immunity.
  
  "Wait, you expect your infant to take on the job of protecting other kids you don't even know?"
  
  To be honest, yes. My doctors tell me that the risk of injury to my child is extremely minimal. If somehow one of my children were to experience a severe reaction to a vaccine, I would be at peace knowing that I was obedient to God in trying to protect "the least of these". (Okay, so I may kick myself at times, but overall, I'm good with taking that chance.)
  
  I should never depend on others to protect me or my children, but I should seek out opportunities to care for others and to protect those who are weak. It's a privilege to do so, and I'm grateful to share that privilege with my children, even in this very small way.
  
  
• There's no actual evidence of danger.Whoever speaks the truth declares what is right, but a false witness, deceit. Proverbs 12:17
  
  I know that there is anecdotal evidence that immunizations have been linked to autism and other vaccination injuries. I know that there are side effects to every vaccine (and every medication, and even organic treatments, for that matter), and no medical intervention is without risk.
  
  But there has never been an actual study that has been able to link vaccines to autism or any other life-changing problem. In fact, autism rose at an even higher rate in Japan where the MMR was banned because of the anecdotal evidence. (The difference was almost the same as the increase in the United States in the same amount of time, and it was probably due to under-reporting autism prior to the original numbers, so it has no link to the MMR vaccine, one way or the other.)
  
  Just a reminder, anecdotal evidence was also used to "prove" the benefits of blood-letting, leeches, and the use of mercury as a treatment for syphilis. I'm not saying that you're a fool if you listen to the anecdotal evidence. What I am saying is that as humans, we have a tendency to put pieces together the wrong way. We love to find meaning and causation, even when it isn't there. That's why the scientific method exists. It isn't to suppress the truth but to find it. As Christians, we really ought to embrace that because we should be the greatest lovers of truth out there.
• It gives weight to the lives of the children whose aborted bodies were used to develop the vaccines.
  Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good. Romans 12:21
  
  The most compelling argument against vaccines that I have heard is that fetal tissue was used to develop the vaccines. I didn't realize this, and it was the first bit of information that almost swayed my opinion.
  
  It's tragic that these little ones died, no doubt.
  
  But the babies were not aborted for the purpose of developing the vaccines. Their tiny bodies were donated after the procedure.
  
  So let's just say that they were one year older than they actually were when they were killed. Let's say that they were murdered after they were born, and their organs were donated to other children in need of those organs. Would the killer be able to defend his behavior by saying that he actually saved many lives by taking one life?
  
  No. That's stupid.
  
  But could the parents find a little bit of joy in knowing that their child's short life did actually accomplish great things?
  
  Maybe.
  
  It in no way diminishes the tragedy of the murder, but it also didn't cause it. In fact, they were two separate decisions.
  
  I don't like that aborted fetal tissue is used to develop vaccines, but it does give children who have been aborted an opportunity to serve God on this earth by bringing life to others.
  
  Vaccinating a child doesn't reflect a lack of respect for life. It communicates a desire for all children to remain healthy.

• In my opinion, it's a matter of trust.
  
  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
  
  When something bad happens to our kids, we want to find a reason. We would love nothing more than to have someone to blame. We want to turn it into a crusade so we can create meaning in painful situations.
  
  But that isn't our job.
  
  That's God's job.
  
  One of my kids is on the autism spectrum, as I mentioned before. She was different from the moment she was born, so I have never needed to question if vaccination played a role in her differences. I recently read that taking Tylenol during pregnancy was linked to autism. At the time that I was pregnant, Tylenol was literally the only thing I was told was safe to take, so I took it.
  
  If it turns out that Tylenol did play a role in how my daughter works, it really doesn't change anything. There was no reason to think that Tylenol was dangerous at the time. I listened to my doctors, who are much smarter than I am. They gave me the best advice that they could give at the time, based on the information that was available to them. If those headaches, which caused me to take two Tylenol as directed, eventually led to my daughter's weaknesses and strengths, that's not an issue of fault.
  
  It's an issue of God's sovereignty.
  
  He uses everything. Good decisions. Bad decisions. Good science. Bad science. Good governments. Bad governments. Faithful people. Faithless people.
  
  I don't have to find meaning. He is the meaning. If He wants my kids to have more weaknesses than the average kid, so be it. If He wants my kids to have more strengths, and more responsibilites, than the average kid, so be it.
  
  My only job is to be faithful. That's your only job, too.
  
  Whether your kids are vaccinated or not, you can be faithful.
  
  Whether your kids are perfectly healthy or taken far too soon, you can be faithful.
  
  Whether your kids are weak or strong, you can be faithful.
  
  Isn't that a relief?

Don't Try to Take Away Another Servant's Portion

If you've been in church for a while, you've almost certainly heard a sermon (or two, or hundred) on the story of Mary and Martha. If you've been in a women's Bible study of any kind, you've probably studied it pretty thoroughly.

If you haven't, allow me to give you a very quick synopsis:

Jesus comes to a village, and two women welcome Him and His followers into their home. Mary is completely enthralled by Jesus (not in a romantic way, but in a respectful way), but Martha is thoroughly distracted by the concerns of feeding Jesus and His entourage. Martha gets fed up and asks Jesus to stick up for her to her sister, but Jesus speaks instead to Martha, telling her that "one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good potion, which will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:42)

Because this passage is taught so often, you may have already heard what I have to say. If so, awesome! It couldn't hurt to hear it again. If not, that's cool, too. You're going to hear it today.

Martha isn't especially selfish or arrogant, in my opinion. I think that her reaction is pretty typical. I don't know if she really believed that Mary was being lazy or if she saw the joy and excitement Mary was experiencing and got jealous. I personally think it's a great thing that we don't fully understand Martha's motivation because we see both at work within the church.

We see the frustrated church members who are tired from all of their work and who speak against the people in the church who are "lazy" and not doing enough. We also see people who are jealous of someone else's intimate relationship with Jesus who try to defend their own spiritual life by tearing others' down. And if we're being really, really honest, we see the same two motives within our own hearts. We get frustrated with people who don't do as much as we think they should, and we get defensive about the people who are serving better than we think we do.

And, just like Martha, we judge. Instead of listening to what our hearts are telling us, we try to take away the portion that God has given to His servants, whether that is joy in service or joyous intimacy.

Instead of inspiration, we draw antagonism.

Martha isn't our first glimpse of this problem. The same thing happened between Cain and Abel when Abel's gift to God was accepted and Cain's wasn't. Cain gets murderously angry with Abel, but God responds by telling him, "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it." (Genesis 4:6-7)

Cain wanted to be Abel's master. Martha wanted to be Mary's master. The problem is that they both already had a Master. In both situations, the Master had very similar advice. We can either humbly learn how to love God better by learning from those whose spiritual lives and service make us jealous or frustrated, or we can choose to act as his or her master and separate ourselves farther from them and farther from God.

But here's God's promise and His warning: God will not take away a faithful servant's reward because of our frustrations. We can either choose to share in their rewards by learning from them or we can choose to miss out because of our own arrogance and stubbornness.

Although the story ended very badly for Cain, we see that it doesn't have to. In John 11, we see Jesus interacting with these sisters at a later point, and we learn that Jesus and Martha have become very close. They have a very personal relationship that is marked by Martha's faith in Jesus. She learned from her wise teacher, and the result was intimate relationship with the Lord of Life.

The same opportunity is available to us today. Let's not pass it up!

37 Years of Greatness

Today is an extremely important day. On November 16, 1979, God blessed our broken world with Edwin Roy Attaway, and today we celebrate the 37th anniversary of that blessing.

I honestly cannot tell you what this man means to me. I've never known a more servant-hearted leader or a more loving friend. (I've also never known anyone quite as cheap, but this has also been a blessing at times.)

He follows Jesus with everything he's got, and he holds nothing back. He takes nothing for granted and expresses gratitude for every blessing he receives, even hardships.

He has given his life to serve the church, and he has made more sacrifices than anyone will ever know. He is an amazing father who takes extreme amounts of delight in picking out the best toys for his kids (within a given budget, of course). He is patient with his children and church members. He has high expectations for himself and seemingly endless grace for everyone else.

He makes me better than I ever could have been alone. He lovingly shepherds our family into the greener pastures God has prepared for us. He prays with me and for me, He's my very best friend, and I'm grateful for the last thirteen birthdays that I've gotten to celebrate with him.

He isn't perfect. He isn't my savior. But he's an amazing gift from my Perfect Savior, and I cannot imagine life without him.

The Thing About Bad Handwriting

I have terrible handwriting. The longer that I write, the worse it gets. My hands cramp. I have to use different pens in different widths when I'm taking notes for a long period of time.

I always wanted that pretty, flowing handwriting that girls in my grade had. I didn't understand how they spaced their words and letters so perfectly. I didn't understand how they made their hands create such pretty letters with so little effort.

My teachers were equally confused, but most of them had a theory. Some said that I was too lazy to write neatly (despite the fact that I had excellent grades and always knew the content of their classes very well). Some said that I was too impatient. Others said that I just didn't care about neatness.

So I would try as hard as I could to write neatly. I quickly found that the neater my handwriting, the less that I understood about the material being taught. After about fifteen minutes of trying, my hands would be so tired that my handwriting naturally devolved into its unfortunate sloppiness.

And I was left feeling pretty terrible about myself.

I kind of thought that maybe my bad handwriting was actually a character flaw, something that made me less than all of the other girls with their pretty, flowing cursive.

It wasn't until I started learning about hand strength and motor skills and perception that I discovered that my handwriting is what it is. It's sloppy, but it has nothing to do with how hard I try or how much I care. I have bad handwriting because God created me with weak hands and poor area perception. It isn't a character flaw, after all.

Now I have a daughter with weak hands and poor area perception, and this time around, I know what to say. I explain to her teachers that her handwriting is what it is. Occupational therapy may help a little, but at the end of the day, it isn't a matter of effort but physical ability. So far all of her teachers have understood and have been wonderfully patient in trying to interpret my daughter's hieroglyphics.

Here's the thing: everyone has bad handwriting. Maybe it isn't actually handwriting. Maybe it's their ability to learn material. Maybe it's their home life. Maybe it's the way their breath smells or the kind of clothes that they wear. But everyone has something.

Everyone struggles with something that is simply a weakness in who they are, and it can be very easy for those who don't struggle in the same area, it can be very easy to assume that it's a character flaw or moral failure. It's easy to assign motive and intent from the outside looking in, but it's even easier to get it wrong.

I can remember when one teacher in particular diagnosed my poor handwriting as a sign of laziness and carelessness. I remember trying to write more clearly and neatly on the next assignment. I remember the feeling of failure and freakishness that came when I failed.

Maybe you already have your own version of bad handwriting in mind as you read this. If so, here's what I'm going to tell you, dear friend: You're not a failure and you're not a freak simply because you don't meet everyone's expectations. Do your best. Focus on using your strengths to fulfill your purpose instead of trying to be perfect at everything. Prioritize character over performance. Do everything as unto the Lord. Then let it go.

Because there's always keyboards. It's okay if you still can't understand a Shakespearean sonnet. You can create a new home that functions differently than the one where you grew up. You can buy mouthwash and new clothes.

But there's only one you, and you are so much more than your weaknesses might lead you to think.

A Very Needed Update

The Family

Life has been busy, and sleep has been harder to come by, largely due to this one:

He's certainly worth it, but no one is going to be sad when he gets his sleep schedule figured out. He's actually doing fairly well on the sleep, but he's not sleeping quite as consistently as Mommy and Daddy could use. And when he's awake, we need to be really awake.

Big sisters are doing very well. DeLaynie is doing well with the transition to middle school, and Ella is killing it in third grade. They're growing up rapidly, and becoming very sweet young ladies.

The Church

The church planting process is progressing. We have a consistent group of about 14-16 adults, and we have a lot of kids as well. Going to weekly services has helped us find more of a groove, and we seem to be finding our footing as far as worship goes. We were recently blessed with an incredible childcare worker who goes to another church on Saturday nights. That is a massive blessing!

Things are moving forward at a good pace, and the group is growing, but the more people that we have, the more work it is to care for the people spiritually.

Which brings me to the next thing...

The Hunt

I've been looking for a full-time job that would allow Edwin to leave his full-time job and devote more time and energy to church planting. I've had a few interviews, and I haven't heard back from all of them yet. I'm always on the look-out, and I'm always sending out resumes.

I have wanted to work full-time for several years, but the opportunity didn't present itself, and I kept myself extremely busy with volunteer ministry, part-time work, and school, plus the kids. Now it is clearly in the best interest of the ministry and the family for me to go to work full-time, and I'm very excited at the prospect.

The Prayer

Here are a few ways that you can pray for us:

• Pray that God will help little Li to sleep more soundly and with fewer mid-night wake-ups.
• Pray that the people currently attending Renovation will invite and bring their friends and family members. We're praying for multiplication more than addition.
• Pray that God will provide the right job at the right time with the right employer at the right pay.

As always, thank you for your prayers and support. We couldn't do any of the things that we do without you!!!

Gentlemen, This is Your Cue

This is a post that I almost wrote during the Brock Turner scandal, but I decided that it could get too messy. Then came the Trump Tapes, and Lord help me, I just can't stay quiet about this anymore.

This isn't a political post. I'm not going to talk about who you should vote for and who you shouldn't. This is a conversation (one sided, though it may be) with my Christian brothers from a sincere heart that simply desires to see healthy change.

Because here's the thing: I think way more of you than Trump does. 

He has said that it is normal and natural for you to brag about objectifying women and abusing them as sex toys instead of respecting them as co-heirs of grace. He has said that you simply can't help discussing the ways that you mistreat women whenever you get together without female supervision. He's said that his bragging is "just words," and that they're totally normal words for your portion of the population.

Gentlemen, this is your cue to be outraged.

You should be deeply offended by Trump's excuses because he's throwing you under the bus in order to promote his own agenda. You should be angry that your role as protectors has been so horribly mis-used by one of your own who claims to follow the God who gave men strength and social status so that they could protect the vulnerable ones given to their care. You should be hurt that Trump's arguments have been accepted and defended as truth.

Gentlemen, this is your cue to speak up.

But so many of you aren't offended. So many of you are justifying Trump's criminal sin in hopes of "winning" an election that is truly a no-win situation. So many of you, my precious Christian brothers, are staying quiet while your sisters fight the battle for you.

I believe in you, fellas. I don't believe that men who have placed their faith in Jesus Christ and live under His leadership really believe that there is anything normal or natural about Trump's comments. I don't believe that you really think it's okay or that someone else's sin justifies Trump's actions. I believe that you recognize that your strength was given to you by God so you can protect those who are weak. I believe that you know that women are your equals in Christ, and they should be afforded the same respect and love that you expect. I believe in you. I really do.

I just don't think you've quite understood what Trump was saying about you, and I don't think that you understand that some women have to come to think so little of you that they're buying Trump's excuses.

I know that many people will vote for Trump in order to protect the Supreme Court seat that is up for grabs and those that may open in the next four years. I can understand that logic, and I respect your decision, even if I do disagree with it personally.

But even if you plan to cast your vote for Trump, don't think that means that you're obligated to defend his sinful, vile, and criminal behavior or make excuses for it. Your first allegiance is to Christ, and He demands that we recognize evil for what it is.

Gentlemen, this is your cue to use your strength, your voice, and your life for the purposes God has given you. This is your cue to show those of us who still believe in you what manhood really looks like.

Part 2 of Our Adoption Story: Gotcha Day!

It's been three weeks since we walked out of the government building where we met our son for the first time. It seems like a long time ago and just yesterday at the same time. I already find it inconceivable that there was ever a time when Li wasn't a part of our family, but we've barely begun our journey with Li.

On Gotcha Day, we talked about how different our afternoon would be from our morning. We tried to find ways to burn time until the afternoon. We ate Subway for lunch. (Yes, China has Subway! And it's totally a normal Subway, except they tend to skip a bit on the meat.) Then we met our wonderful guide and got in the van to make our way to the government where our lives would change forever.

As we walked in, I saw Li peeking toward the door of the playroom. It was my first glance of him in real life, and that was the moment that it sank in. We were really, truly going to walk out of that building with our son! And he was really stinkin' cute!

Then we sat there for what seemed like an eternity. The director of his orphanage had to arrive at the government building in addition to Li and his caregivers from his foster home. He was there on time, but we were there early, so we had to wait a few minutes (felt like a few years).

Then we were called to the door of the playroom to officially meet our son. He's just as graceful as his parents (as in us, not his birth family).

Edwin and I were both shocked at how tiny he was. He seemed much bigger in the pictures and on Skype, but in real life he looked like a baby. The fact that he fell meant that I could comfort him, which was a definite up side. There were so many boo-boos that I wasn't around to kiss. It was good to finally be there for one of them.

Then we took him back to the ginormous sectional couch that wrapped around the entire room and gave him the little gifts that we bought. He loved the cars instantly, and he cheered up very quickly. There were other kids who were extremely sad to leave their caregivers, and understandably so, but Li was pretty chill about the whole thing. (We later saw just how sad he was when we made a trip to the orphanage. More about that later.)

I couldn't help repeating over and over, "I get to keep you forever!?"

I needed to speak to his caregivers about his daily routine and eating habits, but I hated leaving him. Okay, I was only two feet away, but it took me so long to get to him! I probably should have asked more questions, but I was completely distracted. We took a picture with his orphanage director and caregivers before leaving.

These people (as well as other nannies who didn't make the trip) were Li's family when we weren't there, and I'm eternally grateful to them. They did an amazing job getting him ready for his forever family and transferring Li's trust from them to us.

Then we rode back to the hotel where Edwin would do some paperwork and I would play with Li in the hotel's playroom. I was just beginning to get to know this kid, but I was already in love.

Then we went back to our room to begin really taking in everything that it means to be Li's parents. We quickly learned that he is an entertainer and a flirt.

But more than anything, he's our's! He is completely, totally, absolutely our son! And we couldn't be happier to finally have him home where he belongs.

When the Story God Writes Isn't a Bestseller

I remember my reaction when I first read an article by Ed Welch called "Ordinary is the New Cool". I must admit that I was put-off by it, which was my first clue that it was hitting a little too close to home. I didn't like Dr. Welch's proposition that I should be content with a "normal life". I didn't like it, but I also knew that there was a whole lot of truth in it. It's true that we have bought into a belief that we are supposed to be important and extraordinary, and it's true that we define these concepts very differently than Scripture does. In fact, that idea is far from biblical. It's more educated by our culture than the Bible, but it rings true with our sinful desires for fame and power, so we figure out ways to make it sound spiritual. ("God, give me a platform for your glory!")

As I was working on We Win!, I read a book called The Insanity of God. In it, the author describes the difficulties faced by Christians in areas of persecution and their incredible faith in the midst of suffering. All of them remained nameless out of concern for their safety. Even the author uses a pen name to protect his ministry and the subjects of the stories he tells.

As I've turned these thoughts over and over in my head, and as I've put them together with other lessons learned in the last year, I've come to realize that my fear isn't that God isn't writing a great story through my life. My fear is that the story He's writing won't be popular.

I don't doubt whether God will use my writing in the lives of readers. I doubt if He will ever give me a "viral" blog.

I don't doubt God's faithfulness to us in ministry. I doubt how large that ministry will be.

I don't doubt God's provision for our needs. I doubt if He will provide for my wants (even the really spiritual sounding ones).

I don't doubt if I am being faithful to make Him known. I doubt if He will be "faithful" to make me known.

But God never promised to make my life extraordinary in terms of reach and influence. He promised to make me able to stand (Romans 14:4). He didn't promise to give me a following or the opportunity to be a part of a large ministry. In fact, He assured me that the most popular teachings will not be biblical at all (2 Timothy 4:3). But He has reminded me that the reward for faithfulness is a crown of righteousness that He is ready to award to all who have loved His appearing (2 Timothy 4:8).

God has reminded me that the most extraordinary lives are often anonymous. They are lives defined by faith and a longing for the eternal reign of Christ. He has given me a godly jealousy for those persecuted believers who have held to the Truth in the midst of unthinkable suffering.

God rarely writes great stories through lives whose deepest desire is a great story. He writes great stories through lives who deepest desire is to make His greatness known. In fact, we rarely realize when God is writing His greatest stories. They usually appear normal, even painful, at the time that they are written. It takes a Kingdom perspective to recognize them for what they are.

Are your prayers defined by a longing for a life of greatness or a life of faithfulness? Do you see a life of faith as the goal or a means to receiving God's blessing? Are you comfortable with being unknown if He is made known through you?

He is continuing to alter my definition of a "great life". With each passing day, greatness is defined less and less by being known and more and more by making Him known. And that's pretty great, actually.

This Quiet Joy

I've always thought of joy as this loud, exuberant, in-your-face kind of emotion. I'm not really sure where I got this picture. Maybe it was from the "I will become even more undignified than this" phase of my Christian growth (aka middle school).

But over the last year, that picture has faded and a new one has taken its place. Completely by God's grace, I'm experiencing a new kind of joy that I didn't anticipate or think to ask for. I've found myself quietly enjoying moments that used to be stressful or empty. I've been delightfully surprised by this quiet joy in the midst of a very difficult year of multiple transitions.

The latest of these transitions has brought me to China. On Monday, July 11th, we welcomed our beautiful, precious son Li into the family.

The 16 month process was long and sometimes tedious, but it was absolutely joyous as well. Now, please know that I am not known for my patience. It's been a major area of development for me. But adopting Li was a time of joy and peace, not impatience or frustration. (Glory to God alone!)

I wish that I could give you a concrete reason why this was true, but I can't. The only thing that I know to tell you is that I have learned to trust Christ more completely than ever before. He has graciously taken my worries and desire to control and turned them into sweet trust. That trust has produced a deeper experience of joy than I have ever known.

It isn't loud joy. It isn't dancing joy. It is quiet joy.

• A joy in trusting that God's timing is perfect.
• A joy in trusting that I wouldn't miss a single moment with my son that God wanted me to enjoy with him.
• A joy in trusting that God saw every detail and went before us into every step of the process.
• A joy in trusting that God loves my son even more than I do, and His choices would produce good for me and my son if I would trust Him to do His job.

Even now, as we're in a culture that we do not know, that quiet joy covers every step.

• A joy that trusts the itinerary developed by our agency, even when we're not comfortable with it.
• A joy that trusts that God will protect us in a country that doesn't appreciate our value system or faith.
• A joy that trusts our guide as an authority provided to us by God for our benefit (and she has been wonderful!).
• A joy that trusts that we will be here as long as it is best, and that we can benefit from every moment we spend here.
• A joy that trusts that there is more adventure than inconvenience in our time in a foreign land with foreign food. (Honestly, though, I love authentic Chinese food! It's the ordering that's a challenge.)
• A joy that trusts that God knows every step of Li's future, and every difficulty and challenge can be used to draw him into deeper relationship with the Giver of Joy who is worthy of all of our trust and all of our lives.

Our little guy only knows very little English, and he has a few health concerns (including a current cold that has caused a lower respiratory infection), but I'm not worried. There isn't room for worry. There's only room for joy because the same God who brought my son into his forever family is the same God who walks with us each and every day. The same God who orchestrated for Li's care as a sick newborn is the same God who will orchestrate his life as a child, a young man, and (by God's infinite grace!) as a man of God who will take the truth of our King into a world that is desperate for the joy of the Lord.